chapter 1: apologising 101

you do something silly. some dumb, harmless prank or whatever. you put it on youtube. people call you out, claiming that “person x was harmed in the making of that video.” honestly, that’s on them — they just can’t handle your level of humour. it’s not your fault they get offended all the gosh-dang time. like, bro, chill, it wasn’t that bad!

then here’s what you should do:

1. acknowledge that you made an error in your judgement, nod, and consider yourself absolved.

bonus tip: promise your audience you will never do something that immature again. making an apology video is a fundamental part of the process — a step in the right direction, if you know what i mean. it helps calm the storm down.

you don’t have to mean what you’re saying. come on, it’s youtube. everybody knows.
deep in your heart, you know all promises are meant to be broken.

a good way to start an apology video could be:

“i am sorry. i messed up.”

dress in all white to show what a pure-hearted soul you are. let those tears shine. it’s their big day. focus the camera on your puppy eyes, a sour shade of red because you’ve been crying all week over what you’ve done, because it is “irredeemable… and you don’t deserve to be forgiven.”

meanwhile, on the inside, you couldn’t give less of a crap. like, why the frick are these people trying to cancel you? why is the public-relations team asking you to do what several other youtubers have done before? you haven’t done anything bad!